ADULT CHILDREN OF NARCISSISTS/PSYCHOPATHS

A C O N

ADULT CHILDREN OF NARCISSISTS/PSYCHOPATHS

A learning, resource and discussion group for those whose parents were narcissists or psychopaths

DISCUSSION BOARD LOCATION
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/Psychopathsgroup/

A favourite tactic of the bully in the family is to set people against each other. The benefits to the bully are that:
a) the bully gains a great deal of gratification (a perverse form of satisfaction) from encouraging and provoking argument, quarrelling and hostility, and then from watching others engage in adversarial interaction and destructive conflict, and
b) the ensuing conflict ensures that people's attention is distracted and diverted away from the cause of the conflict.
Bullying in the Family
http://www.bullyonline.org/related/family.htm

If you have a boss, a roommate, or (heaven help you) a parent with full-blown narcissistic personality disorder, your attempts to develop healthy self-esteem will be severely challenged. There are four ways to go about dealing with such people. Each approach may be useful at various times, and understanding all four will give you a range of responses to your own least favorite narcissists.
THE OBJECT OF MY AFFECTION The Narcissists in Your Life: How to Handle Them By Martha Beck “O” Magazine, August, 2003)
http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200308/omag_200308_beck_d.jhtml

You are not alone...
"It seems a little strange to me that I logged onto these boards in response to a threat from my XP only to find I am discovering more about my childhood than anything else!!"

"I come from a dysfunctional background. My mother is a raging N, and, quite honestly, I have great difficulty understanding as an adult when I'm being treated in a way that is just wrong."

"I handle my Nfather this way: Only Christmas and Birthday Cards. No visits unless it's for a specific purpose e.g. meet him at a family wedding. Never leave my children alone with him, ever. I am always polite and if I'm ever baited I ignore him."

"We are attracted to Ns because they are like our fathers, and we want to resolve unresolved conflicts we had as children with men like our fathers. We also feel comfortable with these men as our fathers were our role models as to what a man was".

"We have to break out of our patterns and learn what a healthy relationship is."

"I read the suggestions in Verbal abuse book that Patricia Evans wrote and try to follow them. One of them is to say... "Well, there she goes again, just mom being mom, no big deal.. sure am glad I know she has NPD and this isn't about me, this is just the way she is." I find that by doing that it makes it less of a big deal in my mind."

"From 0-14 I thought he was the bee's knees and mum an awful burden to him when it was the other way round. Objectively he never gave us time, support or pulled his weight financially but I wasn't adult enough to see the problem and forgave the charismatic brilliant one all. Next he encouraged me to rebel against and hurt mum and to leave home prematurely. In my 20s I realised his self promo was false, that mum had had it hard but put it down to him being a little unbalanced and was forgiving. As I got more sophisticated I could identify the seriousness of his emotional abuses to us all and acknowledge now that he is a pretty goddamn evil bastard."

"This is truly the one thing that makes me purple with rage: we're adults and have the ability to walk away. Children can't: they're just stuck with their N parents."

"I remember the first time I stood up to my Mother N. I must have sounded like Katherine Hepburn's most shaky voice but I overcame my fear and did it. (And my Mother N was a truly violent person) And you know what, she was stunned into silence."

Abuse Survivor Quotes
The Abusive Family