| N/P PARENTS
COPING SKILLS SNAPSHOTS  "The only protective mechanism for child victims of emotional abuse is to cut themselves off from the situation; subsequently, their identity erodes, the deep core of their soul dies. Everything left over from childhood is perpetually reenacted as an adult.
"Even if all abused children don't become abusive parents, a destructive cycle has been created. Each one of us can act out our inner violence on someone else. Alice Miller shows us how over time, children or victims of control forget the violence they suffered -- the will to know must be erased -- but the syndrome either reoccurs in them or is taken out on others."
Marie-France Hirigoyen, Stalking the Soul: Emotional Abuse and the Erosion of Identity
If I asked you what children need in order to be psychologically healthy, you would probably answer: love and attention. Of course, you would be right--love and attention are essential for every child. But, there is a third psychological need critical to the emotional well-being of children: "voice."
Giving Your Child "Voice" by Dr. Richard Grossman
http://www.voicelessness.com/parenting.html He does not require – nor does he seek – his parents' or his siblings' love, or to be loved by his children. He casts them as the audience in the theatre of his inflated grandiosity. He wishes to impress them, shock them, threaten them, infuse them with awe, inspire them, attract their attention, subjugate them, or manipulate them. He emulates and simulates an entire range of emotions and employs every means to achieve these effects. He lies (narcissists are pathological liars – their very self is a false one). He plays the pitiful, or, its opposite, the resilient and reliable. He stuns and shines with outstanding intellectual, or physical (or anything else appreciated by the members of the family) capacities and achievements.
The Narcissist and His Family FAQ #22 - By: Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq22.html The narcissist is never the person he appears to be in the public sphere.
The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists by Eleanor D. Payson, MSW How do you feel after you have been with your parents?
Do you feel confused and hurt?
Do you feel angry and frustrated?
Do you feel guilty?
Do you doubt your own reality?
Do you hate yourself?
Do you have an urge to do something
special for them?
Do you do it?
http://www.n-courage.net/n-parents.htm If you have a boss, a roommate, or (heaven help you) a parent with full-blown narcissistic personality disorder, your attempts to develop healthy self-esteem will be severely challenged. There are four ways to go about dealing with such people. Each approach may be useful at various times, and understanding all four will give you a range of responses to your own least favorite narcissists.
THE OBJECT OF MY AFFECTION The Narcissists in Your Life: How to Handle Them By Martha Beck “O” Magazine, August, 2003)
http://www.oprah.com/omagazine/200308/omag_200308_beck_d.jhtml As a child, I used to be dazed by my narcissistic parent's public demeanor -- I wanted to take that person home with me or else live our entire family life in the protection of the public eye -- so attractive, modest, and sweet that even I could hardly believe that this same person could be the raging fiend I knew at home and had seriously thought, for a while when I was about ten, might be a werewolf.
Aftermath – Joanna Ashmun
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/aftermath.html The fact is that there is next to nothing anyone can do to modify a narcissist's behavior and the only useful advice I ever got (first from my non-narcissistic parent, later repeated by my Jungian analyst) was "Get out and stay out." But that's much more easily said than done. We're still members of families that have been damaged, corrupted and corroded by narcissists' pathology, and we can't totally remove ourselves from the narcissists' sphere of influence without also forsaking other family members and old friends. Parents sharing child-rearing or custody with narcissists, or who have narcissistic children, can't just get out and stay out. Aftermath
http://www.halcyon.com/jmashmun/npd/aftermath.html Genetic Causes
Some scientists believe that there is a genetic aspect to NPD. These researchers implicate that NPD is carried from generation to generation via a high-frequency recessive gene, not a dominant gene. What this means in layman's terms is that narcissism may be manifest in some of the genetic carriers' (the parents') offspring but may not be apparent in all of their children. If both parents have the recessive gene, these researchers believe the likelihood for the children to develop the disorder increases.
How to Deal with Narcissistic Personality Disorder
http://wiwi.essortment.com/narcissisticp_rwmn.htm Your involvement with the NPD individuals is characterized by an ever-increasing effort to please and gain approval. However, like the Wizard, the narcissist’s approval is rarely given. Instead, you are more likely to see the unpredictable anger and rage over the smallest infraction or mistake. Great sensitivity to criticism, or intolerance of anything perceived as less than a perfect performance, can cause the NPD individual to unleash an outburst of sharp and hurtful rage. At times these experiences leave you feeling helpless, unable to do anything but crawl off to a corner to figure out what happened. Over time, these behaviors insidiously lower your self-esteem and set you on a path of consistent and increasing self-doubt.
The Wizard of Oz and Other Narcissists by Eleanor D. Payson, MSW In developing the Narcissistic Personality, it is important to consider the parental history. A highly critical family environment dominated by extremely demanding parents generally marks the childhood of the Narcissistic character. In such a family the child's primary function is to enhance the mother's or father's self-esteem: the child as accessory. When the child in such a family fails to live up to such stringent parental expectations (which are inevitable), the child will be the target of criticism, either direct or indirect, and suffer rejection. The damage occurs during the child's formative years, a time when nurturing and the discovery and fostering of a functional personality are crucial.
http://health.groups.yahoo.com/group/narcissisticabuse/message/473 The narcissistic parent regards his or her child as a multi-faceted Source of Narcissistic Supply. The child is considered and treated as an extension of the narcissist. It is through the child that the narcissist seeks to settle "open scores" with the world. The child is supposed to realise the unfulfilled dreams, wishes, and fantasies of the narcissistic parent.
Narcissistic Parents by Dr. Sam Vaknin
http://samvak.tripod.com/faq5.html Understanding why your parent acts the way he or she does is an essential first step toward being able to manage the challenges of an aging Narcissist, but what may be more difficult for you is actually accepting these truths. This is because to accept the truth of your parent's primitive internal world means giving up hope of ever being recognized and valued as a separate person."
Narcissism and Aging - The Mirror CracksWhy is it Always About You - Author Sandy Hotchkiss | 
