| "Never grow a wishbone, daughter, where your backbone ought to be."
Clementine Paddleford HOOVERING: Named after the vacuum to explain how our abusers try to suck us back into the relationship.
"You ask what were the ways he tried to suck me back in? How much bandwith does this board have LOL?" This is gonna take a long time. Now, do you want them in chronological or alphabetical order, broken down and catagorized by silly excuses, occassionally impressive excuses, annoying, transparent, threatening, vicious, sneaky, needy, or desperate, and so on? There's a lot of ways he used to try to get me to pay attention to him." "Mine mostly used his daughter. I bonded with her and I love and miss her. I ache every minute and he uses some crisis real and invented to bait me. It is the most painful part of the No Contact." "He had this lovely dog and I know he's neglecting it and he knows full well that's how to drag me back in." "After 7 months of No Contact, he emailed me telling me to leave him alone." "He begged to come back but I realized it was just so he could be the one to leave." "My Xg/f called 911. She said she wanted to make sure I was safe." "I found out about a month later her husband told her he was leaving so she decided to target me." "You are such a miserable sl**. You took my money away and won't give it back. You have ruined my life. And the lives of my children." The Xs will try and say anything. If one thing doesn't work, another will. And he's not even particularly smart. I'd hate to run into a really smart one." "I really miss you...
Could you drive me....?
Could you drive my daughter....?
Would you like to go to....?
Daughter calls - dad fell down the stairs!
I'm sick.
Death in the family.
I have no food/job/money/cigarettes, etc.
I really love you and I've changed." "Father dying, mother dead, father dead, sister pregnant
sister dead. So, on that one I finally returned his call, he said his sister wasn't dead, but that somebody was deliberatly playing cruel mind games." "He contacted me leaving extremely sad messages in his drunken stupor, telling me his mother died." "Sex was always involved. Sex was his solution to solve all problems." "I am the only one who really loved you. In my heart of heart you know I love you. I don't want to argue, just talk" "My son you love so much was hurt at basketball and is asking about you." He told me he 'might' (huh?) have only 6 weeks to live. So, I told him that he should not spent his last remaining time talking to me and I hung up. "You were right, the reason I have been acting so bad is because Im starting the change in life. I can't stop thinking about you.....I realize how bad I screwed up and how much I had that I took for granted.....we HAVE to talk..... yeah right! I found out rudy (his dog) has cancer...." "I will pay you to get my stuff ready for tax time..." "I'll just have to kill myself and my dogs if you dont come back..."the dogs miss you terribly..." "I didnt mean it and I swear I'll never do it/lie again ever..." but your the only one I've ever even considered marrying" "I didnt mean to sleep with them, it just happened, it didnt mean anything, I didnt think it would hurt you, we were just friends" "It was the sex with her. That was the magnet that kept drawing me back.""Would you please look at my car, no one can seem to fix it but you." "You have ruined my friendship with all of our friends" "He uses ANY excuse to call me." "Our child - anything relating or concerning her." "He would contact me several times a week pphone, email to say, " I have apologized so many times to you, and you are a hard hearted b**** and won't even listen. I am through apologizing and never want to see you again! Do not contact me again." "He was always asking some medical question he thought I could help him with."
A death in the family
A car crash/death of someone I never knew
I left something at your house and need it now
"I got that job." "It was some document or something he couldn't remember." "I only meant to point out in my post what my ex had said to pull me back into the relationship, and how for me it worked for so long. it was a truely disfunctional relationship but i did not see it at the time......thats why as truely hard as it was.......the no contact rule is the only thing that got me out of it. "This reconciliation between the N and myself was short-lived. His true colours emerged, once again. But being able to document my every-day experience with him helped me to make the final decision to move on. "I'm learning to take things one day at a time. If I N-dip, I just get back up, dust myself off and try again." "I wanted to talk to ex-N so much today. Yet the desire to N-dip made me very anxious. It's as though my need for him, for someone so very bad for me, is finally becoming ego-dystonic. The urge to be with him creates strong inner dissonance because I know if I contact him it's emotional suicide. Still, I am in so much pain. I can hardly work. My job seems overwhelming." "People on the site call it 'N-Dipping'. It is like fighting an addiction. So, if you are tempted to slide, it's entirely understandable. At one time you felt great love and passion for this man, and there is some part of you that WISHES he wasn't what you know him to be, WISHES it wasn't all true, that it didn't happen the way it did, and that you could GET BACK that guy you thought he was. I was always tempted to think maybe this is some sort of aberration, something going on in his life, stress, mental illness, and that the OTHER GUY, the one I fell in love with was the REAL HIM. I hated having to finally face the fact that I fell in love with a Jekyll and Hyde facade. It absolutely sucks." "N-dipping is not sinful it just doesn't go anywhere… except as NS. It is also very painful to let go of all the hopes and dreams."
"They just don't change and the games become more cruel. The devaluation becomes worse and more painful every time we go back. That's why I think some people think N-dipping is healing in a way, because you see the patterns repeating themselves. It won't be too long before you are able to detach from him emotionally and one day you will look at his antics and thank God you are no longer one of his victims." "It was then I realized I was still hanging on… like I was addicted to him. I want to be free and away from it all. I want my mind to be free of the N infection."
"Pretend Guy is gone. Deceased. This hurts. This really hurts. It needs to be mourned. In addition to the loss of Pretend Guy, you've got mucho grande abuses heaped on you by Actual Guy. Topping off this pile of misery and trauma, Actual Guy and Pretend Guy inhabit the same body. Only another psycho wouldn't be thrown into a tailspin by the surreality of it all. When he calls you after the breakup, he sounds just like Pretend Guy! 'You're alive!,' you think. 'You're not dead! Yes, YOU are my true love! You're finally back! Oh, WHEN can I see you?' Whoa, there, Sister. Let me spare you a tiny bit of hurt here by having us skip ahead to where he slams you again and you wake up in the harsh, cold world of Reality. Things just got even worse. Pretend Guy is still gone, Actual Guy is still abusing you, Pretend Guy and Actual Guy are still the same guy, AND now any baby steps into healing you might have made just got deleted into nothingness.
Missing the Narcissist by Alexandra Nouri
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